This week, as I was out walking my dog, I noticed this leaf hanging on to the tree. The wind has stripped most of the leaves from the tree, and yet, this leaf was still holding on. It had not yet answered the call to dance with the wind.
It makes me think of all the things I hold on to, all the ways I keep myself on the sidelines of life because of fear of being wrong, worry about being seen, and frustration when something doesn’t go as I had planned. If I am a coach and a leader, then I should have it together and never have moments of vulnerability. These are all limiting beliefs that holds me back from even engaging in the dance!
I have been doing some amazing work with a women’s group, and learning to release the Perfect Petunia persona that keep me stuck in what others might think of me, or my mistakes, or in the busyness of doing too much and not taking the time to love myself. This month, I am embracing my being-ness, spending more time focused on the light and love I bring to others. It is interesting that with this little shift, more healing opportunities are showing up in my life, more chances to get to make a difference in the lives of others. I am encountering people in the midst of their pain, and walking through the mystery with them.
One of the hardest things to let go of is the idea of a normal life when you are faced with an illness. You want to be able to do what everyone else is doing, and it is easy to feel like you are missing out on life because an illness is keeping you on the sidelines. Sometimes, you might wish you could just go back to life the way it used to be, and you fantasize that you will return to this same normal. I remember feeling this way eighteen years ago, when I was so sick. It felt like a rotten deal to be missing so much. I had to let go of my pre-conceived notions of what life would look like, and I had to learn to walk in what was, being grateful for even the tiniest shards of light. Today, I am so grateful for the lessons learned on the path of illness, because it has shaped me into the teacher and compassionate healer that I am. While I am not 100% aware all the time, I do know that whatever experience I am having is the right one, and the one that will lead me into an amazing future I cannot see. I am learning that when I let go of my own thoughts about how my day should look and what I should accomplish, Spirit takes over and leads me in a dance that is far more rewarding than just my to- do list.
Whether it is illness you face, or just the struggle of being a human being in a doing world, we all have limiting beliefs that keep us from letting grace into our lives. So what are you holding on to? Do you have to be strong? Do you have an unrealistic standard you think you should be living up to? Does your work have to be the same thing it has always been? Do you believe you can’t follow your passion because you can’t make a living? Do you always have to be right? Do you want to pretend that illness didn’t happen and move on with your life without changing how you approach life? There is wisdom in the struggles that take place in our lives. Yet we cannot fully embrace the wisdom if we have our fists closed with expectation and denial. What would it be like for you to open your heart, surrender to the dance, and allow the wind to carry you in the light and take you to places you have never experienced? Can you trust enough to let that happen? Is there some part of you that you are willing to let go of, so that you can nurture new seeds of self love that can take root over the winter and in the spring, blossom into something incredibly beautiful? LET GO!